I haven’t been watching the latest season of Apprentice but boy would I have wanted to see this:

Lee Bienstock, 23, began the season with another Orthodox Jew in tow — New Jersey’s Dan Brody. The two observed Rosh HaShanah together early in the season — missing the third episode’s task — but only Bienstock stayed in the show long enough to observe Yom Kippur, missing another task.

While some of Bienstock’s teammates wanted his religious observance to get him fired from the show, Trump would not have it. When Bienstock was brought back to “the boardroom” — where Trump announces who from a given episode is fired — after the Yom Kippur episode, Trump told the team leader “I think it’s terrible that you brought Lee back” to the boardroom as a potential fire for having missed the task due to religious observances, and fired the team leader instead.

So Lee Beinstock, an observant Orthodox Jew, has a great chance of being the next Trump apprentice? Sounds like The Donald is in good hands with this young business prodigy. The season finale seems a lot more interesting now.

Photo and article c/o The Jewish Standard

Thanks to Esther and JDaters Anonymous, I no longer believe a blog carnival to be something that requires hand-painted Spandex and a trapeze.

While it seems that official blog carnivals have bloggers submit their own posts, lack of time and publicity dictate that I compile a “homemade” carnival of this week’s Jewish news, which is a lot like the homemade bird costume I sewed my son last week: It won’t win any awards, but like those blue wings made from a pair of outgrown shiny warm-up pants, it’ll provide hours of entertainment:

This week in the JBlogosphere, Esther’s review of the world’s only Ecstacy seder movie, “When Do We We Eat?” is over at Jewlicious.

The Yada Blog directs us to an IM interview with Matisyahu, in which he expressing his wish to discuss Midrash with Madonna, but doesn’t mention his recent status as pariah for dumping his long-time managers at non-profit JDub Records for the guy who discovered Nirvana.

The Jewish Ledger does not include the Yenta in its Beginner’s Guide to Jewish Blogging, but does mention our buddy the Jewish Blogmeister.

Dan Pine’s column in this week’s j. addresses the cattiness of the Jewish people, which touched on my own personal neurosis about comparing myself to other Jews.

Finally, this week’s Torah portion, a double whammy about the role of Shabbat and the building of the tabernacle that housed the tablets, helps us understand that every single one of us, even little ol’ you, matters.

That ought to keep you swinging from the ceiling for awhile. Shabbat Shalom, friends.

The following information ruined what was a very relaxing haircut: Maroon 5 frontman Adam Levine is officially dating the talentless publicity-starved skanktart whose name shall never taint this space.

I’m sorry y’all, I’m not trying to ruin anyone’s day, but a girl’s gotta process her angst over losing yet another sexy Jewish man to yet another Christian music shiksa. Mandy Moore may be annoying, this bleached blond adultress person is downright offensive.

Please, try — as I will — to find your inner peace over this as Shabbat descends upon the land.

While trolling Ynetnews I came across the obvious and largely irrelevant item that a group of Israeli researchers has determined that the majority of penis enlargement recipients are dissatisfied.

In fact, the urologists interviewed recommended rather than believing the hype and spam about the procedure, men with inferior wee-wees would do better to seek professional counseling.

I say creative expression is the answer. The question is, when is some enterprising guy going to pen a one-man show for Broadway about these issues? He could call it The Penis Soliloquies. Or Dick Dramas. Or make up your own: [Your favorite penis synonym] + [another word for “monologue”.]

Speaking of the play that brought the correct word for female genitalia back to the dinner table, The Vagina Monologues‘ creator Eve Ensler has a new show that takes her quick wit and wisdom out of her crotch to emcompass the rest of her:

According to the Reuters review, The Good Body Ensler takes on body image and the pervasive cultural dysfunction that women must be thin to be considered beautiful. (Right, we’re the richest country in the world, but it’s only after visiting Third World countries that she finds any kind of social acceptance for the round female form.)

Ensler probably won’t get as much play from this one since vaginas have so much more cachet than the continuing assault of “thin = valuable, fat = worthless piece of crap” messages in the media, but bless her for keeping the defense alive. The subject matter is still relevant — it’s not like someone’s discovered a cure for eating disorders and poor self-esteem in teenage girls or that big women have suddenly become revered as our society’s mainstream sexual image.

Nothing bums me out more than to hear a gorgeous, intelligent woman reveal her insecurities about her body, as if a big ass or belly roll cancels out all her other accomplishments. And I get on my own nerves endlessly as I obsess about the cellulite patches on my thighs and the loose skin under my bellybutton that looks like a cat played a not-so-gentle game of shred-the-mouse with it, because dontcha know, after having two kids, you’re supposed to look like this.

So you keep on monlogue-ing about vaginas and fat armpits, Eve Ensler, you rock.

And dudes, you’re being too quiet about your insecurities. Take that small putz and start a revolution.