Have you heard that God had a wife?
Eminent religion scholar Dr. Francesca Stavrakopoulou has revived and enriched the theory that our single dad of a God actually had a partner at one point—before some misogynistic scribes edited her out of the Torah. After examining ancient texts, fertility goddess artifacts and quotes from the Tanach itself, Dr. Stavrakopoulou posits that the first Jews worshipped both Yahweh and a female entity called Asherah at the David’s Temple in Jerusalem.
“After years of research specializing in the history and religion of Israel, I have come to a colorful and what could seem, to some, uncomfortable conclusion that God had a wife,” the Exeter professor told Discovery News.
Yes, there will be people who find the idea so blasphemous that it will cause them lifelong diarrhea. But I think it makes complete sense—there are references to the Divine Feminine (known as the Shekinah) tucked away in the Kabbalah, and even as little Shalom Schoolers we’re told that “it is a Tree of Life to those who hold fast to it.”
But while it’s nice to have rational proof that the Great Woman used to exist in our daily prayers, truth needs no validation, really. As a mother having giving birth to a daughter, it’s just plain OBVIOUS that Womanhood is the foundation of Creation. Did you know baby girls are born with all of their eggs—their potential children—already formed? This chain that links allllll the way back to the Beginning. “Asherah” translates as “sacred tree,” and parallels the great Goddess names of Ishtar, Astarte and Ostara—so none of this is news to anyone who knows damn well this place couldn’t have been created without Divine Female presence.
So where is She? And how did the world get sidetracked into the greedy, gluttonous, totally-out-of-whack, sacred-word-bastardizing patriarchy we’re dealing with now?
I have my own theory. Like any marriage, Goddess wanted to support her husband in this new endeavor of Making a World, but when She saw how He was running things, She had to speak up. She was probably all “Dear, what in the name of Heaven are you doing? Giant lizards with teeth? Please. And I’ve told you ten million times that letting those monkeys split atoms is a terrible idea!”
Then he called her an Astronomical Nag and told Her that everything was completely under control and that She should go cook something, which made Her so mad She sunk Atlantis. (Time management may have also been a bone of contention. After all, He says He made the world in six days; science says it was more like four billion years.)
She finally got so fed up with his dirty towels and raging floods and cosmic-range ADD and need to be right all the time that she decided to take a little break. Sure, it seems like, well, forever, but it’s the time relativity thing; to us, it’s been eons, to Her, it’s an extended vacation.
She’s probably hanging out with Her friends climbing the mountains of Mercury, writing totally epic poetry and putting the finishing touches on Her own calm and orderly Universe where idiotic things like “corporate personhood,” the underage Vietnamese sex trade and genetically-modified food aren’t even a possibility. God’ wife isn’t gone, She’s just on sabbatical.
And when She gets back, She’s going to be really pissed at the mess.