Move over, Amber, there’s a new spoiled brat in town: The NY Daily Dish reports that the price of Elizabeth Brooks’ bat mitzvah was higher than the debt of a third world country, complete with $1000 giftie bags stuffed with new iPods (and not the cheapo shuffle version, neither.) The rest of the millions were spent on hiring huge-name acts to perform — most of whom hit their peaks circa 1985.

Elizabeth’s daddy, bulletproof vest manufacturer David Brooks, bought a Hennessey-swillin’ 50 Cent to perform on his daughter’s big day, but suspiciously, every other entertainer had a Top 40 hit waaay before little Lizzie was a twinkle in her papa’s eye. C’mon — there’s no way a 13- year-old girl likes Aerosmith, Tom Petty, Stevie Nicks and Kenny F*n’ G! Could it be that this was Daddy’s completely narcissistic (and nauseating) attempt to recapture his youth?

As much as I’d love to rip on Elizabeth, who can’t help but feel sorry for her? She obviously had nothing to do with the sins of her nouveau riche dad. Who knows — maybe the shameful excess of the event will drive her into the rabbinate.

Hat tip to the Yada blog.

Pretty much everyone’s seen the truly frightening footage of the pre-dawn shoppers trampling each other the Friday after Thankgiving. As my mother might say, “SFTG.” (Email me if you need a translation.)

I don’t care if Wal-Mart is freakin’ giving away portable DVD players coated in caviar with every purchase — you couldn’t pay me to participate in Christmas shopping mishegoss. My predatory shopping instincts keep me waiting patiently while the rest of them exhaust themselves in a credit-card shtupping frenzy. As America sits bloated in its new scratchy snowflake sweaters machine-knitted in China, watching the new flat screen TV’s with 20 percent interest piling up at the windowsills, that’s when I will pounce, still lean, at the top of my form, sweeping through the clearance racks to find the best bargains of the year — a scavenger, maybe, but one without debt. And I just really hate crowds.

So, sorry I won’t be doing my share to keep the American economy flush this holiday season. Apparently there are those who think the Jews can save Christmas with a “large season-end surge” since Chanukah is late in the month, but as Daniel Gross astutely points out in his Slate.com column, that given our numbers, it would be impossible for Jews to have much of an impact on nationwide sales. No matter how many pairs of shoes I buy, we’re just not that powerful a consumer bloc.

Quips Gross:

“Over the centuries, anti-Semites (and less frequently, philo-Semites) have endowed Jews with the ability to perform mystical feats. Saving the Christmas holiday shopping season isn’t one of them.”

There ya go, pressure’s off. See you at the post-Xmas sales.

On the super icky side of today’s redneck watch, perhaps Americans have had enough of former Ku Klux Klan “grand wizard” David Duke, which is hopefully why he’s taken his ignorance, delusions and lies about Jews and Israel to more sympathetic ears — in Syria.

“It hurts my heart to tell you that part of my country is occupied by Zionists, just as part of your country, the Golan Heights, is occupied by Zionists. The Zionists occupy most of the American media and now control much of American government,” Duke told a cheering crowd in the distinctly unfriendly country on Israel’s northeastern border.

(Control much of American government? Kinky hasn’t been elected — yet. Then you’re really in trouble, schmuck!)

Syrian parliament member Muhammad Habash (reportedly) said that Duke “has given us a new and very positive view of the average American.”

Yes! America’s international image actually can get worse!

*Photo courtesy of the hardcore hate watchgroup the Jewish Defense Organization.

Michael Jackson has once again invoked the ire of the Anti-Defamation League for making anti-Jewish slurs.

ADL director Abe Foxman (a very foxy man and one of my personal heroes), has taken the world’s most famous pedophile to task for an voicemail message recorded two years ago in which Jackson says: “They suck … . They’re like leeches. … I’m so tired of it. … It is a conspiracy. The Jews do it on purpose.”

A few years ago, Jackson showed his anti-Semitic feathers in the lyrics of “They Don’t Care About Us,” which included some really ugly words that he changed under pressure from Jewish groups.

Said Foxman in a statement earlier in the week:

“Michael Jackson has an anti-Semitic streak and hasn’t learned from his past mistakes. It seems every time he has a problem in his life, he blames it on the Jews.”

Careful, Jacko — it’s those conspiritorial Jewish lawyers who’ve kept your skinny, Jesus juice-swillin’ pervert ass outta jail. You’ll find that most cultures would have cut your unmentionable off for buggering the youth. BTW, how’s the weather in Dubai?

*Props to that honorary Latino Jew at ChicoTown for the graphic.

Newsday.com reports that a gay Jewish man may go ahead with his harrassment lawsuit against the Salvation Army in Manhattan. Zachary Logan, who counseled 9/11 survivors, has filed claims that manager Michelle Pallak made inappropriate references to his religion and sexuality and then fired him when he complained.

The Christian-based Salvation Army’s lawyers thought they might get Logain’s case thrown out because theirs is a religious organization, and is therefore “exempt from religious bias claims.”

Wha’? The Salvation Army believes that because they get a tax break from the government for being a charity their employees can spout bigoted, hateful nastiness anytime, anywhere?

Man, that’s bunk. Thankfully, the judge agreed.

Full story.