It’s Our Favorite Time of the Week Again

user submitted pictureJpost reports that Jerusalem Mayor Uri Lupolianski announced his plans to build a flashy 25 foot Shabbat clock at the Western entrance to the city. Many consider the mayor and his expensive project ridiculous, since Shabbat times can be found everywhere in Jerusalem but the bathroom walls.
“Too bad the clock does not include a sundial counting down the time left to his term,” scoffed a city councilmember.

We don’t need a big clock to tell us when to pull the curtains on the week, especially when the info is a mere click away. We look forward to our day of rest like a thirsty camel coming to the oasis, without the smell. Let’s fill up on family, friends and food and be back Monday.
Shabbat Shalom!

A Jew and A Satanist Meet Up A Bar…

user submitted pictureY’all have to check out Jewgoo’s interview with Magus Peter H. Gilmore, High Priest of the Church of Satan. It takes a brave Jew to take on the forces of evil, and Mr. Goo asks great questions about what it’s like to worship the Devil and all that. Magus Gilmore clearly possesses intelligence and a creepy dignity, going on about tolerance:
We do not see other religions as being a problem so long as they are not allied with a government and given the power to force us to be a part of their belief systems. Satanists support the idea of a secular society, wherein a plurality of beliefs – including the option not to believe – are open to everyone as a matter of choice, and no one religion may force its morals and beliefs on anyone who doesn’t choose to adopt them of their own free will. We favour a government that fosters maximum individual liberty, and wise social laws to prevent criminal behaviour, so that we can enjoy the benefits of participating in a society.
That’s very nice, isn’t it? How come Satanists never talk about anything interesting like orgies or taking over the world? This guy sounds like your basic moderate Democrat, for heaven’s sake.

The Eve Party

user submitted picture We know it’s a ways away, but if you’re going to throw the party of the year, you better start early. Jmerica is teaming up withAJAX Entertainment to blowout December 24th like never before. If you made it to Jmerica’s parties in the Hamptons and Miami or if you’ve ever been to South Beach’s Hotel Astor on Saturday night, you know we’re not just talking smack. So mark your calenders- we’ll give you the details as they emerge…

So Busted

user submitted pictureLeave it to The Smoking Gun to reveal that Kimora Lee Simmons, wife of media mogul Russell Simmons, was wearing her trusty red string while getting busted for pot in her SL-600 Benz. [Full Size Photo]
Guess Kimora was smokin’ in the Kabbalah Center ladies’ room when they explained that while the bracelet can offer a little extra juju, it does not in fact make a person invisible.

Tisha B’Av Begins Tonight

Our tribe has suffered so much tsuris over the centuries that we lump all our mourning into one day. From the destruction of the First and Second Temples to the Spanish Inquisition to the Holocaust to the branding of Britney, we can fast and pray for better times ahead.
This week’s J. contains an interesting examination of Tisha B’Av (the Ninth day of the month Av) as “the inverse of Chanukah”: During the darkest days of the year we light candles and make merry, while on this lovely day of seemingly eternal sunshine we commemorate the blackest times of our history. We’re a pretty unorthodox bunch, but we appreciate the need to spend a little time tomorrow focusing on how gash-durn miraculous it is that Jews keep turning tragedy inside out and light up the planet.

Mezzuzah Palooza

user submitted pictureThe New York Post‘s real estate section counsels apartment dwellers on their doorjamb rights. If the little old lady in 2A is allowed one of those incredibly tacky faux flower wreaths, then you can attach a mezzuzah to the doorposts of your house. However, freedom being what it is, a landlord can’t discriminate against religious objects even if your neighbors are Satan-worshipping freaks who decorate the hallway with cow’s liver.

The Red String Just Won’t Go Away

user submitted pictureWe just attended a baby shower in the hippie netheregions of Marin County, where guests were given red string bracelets and asked to wear them until the woman of honor goes into labor. Neither the mama-to-be or any of the guests are Jewish; it was more of a pagan, woman-solidarity thing. Nevertheless, we’ve been receiving plenty of wiseass Kabbalah cracks all week.
We know that the whole celebrity-slut red string thing is a heap of schlock, but if our friend’s baby bengel provides an extra shield from the kineahora, then more power to us.