Tag Archives: chanukah

Really, What Would Chanukah Be Without Swastika Wrapping Paper?

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walgreensswastika-wA SoCal bubbie got an icky surprise when perusing the Chanukah endcap of her neighborhood Walgreen’s this weekend:

Cheryl Shapiro was admiring a silver and blue roll of wrapping paper with her grandson when she realized that the blocky modern designs really, really looked like swastikas.

Like any good Jewish grandma, she expressed outrage and demanded that all the rolls be removed.

“I came home and I spoke to my rabbi. He couldn’t believe it,” Shapiro told her local NBC News affiliate. “I’m still very upset about it, that something like this could be on the market.”

The origin of the design remains a mystery, but expect Walgreen’s to come out with an apology later today. (Guess they’ll have to pull those all those yellow star garlands, too?)

I’ve been staring at the photo all morning, and I’m torn. On one hand, I’m thinking some graphic designer in Bangladesh had too much chai tea and simply got a little too aggressive with his M.C. Escher aspirations. Then again, swastikas.

We Jews tend to be sensitive to such things, but professional provocateur Perez Hilton says it’s up for discussion.

What sayeth y’all, Yenta folk?

No Mensch on This Bench

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mosheMeet the Mensch on the Bench, the circumcised answer to the manipulative, passive-aggressive Elf on the Shelf phenomenon.

Apparently some Jewish families have been suffering from “Elf Envy.” And because this is America, some schnorrer enterprising gentleman is getting rich because no good parent would deny their precious child another tsotchke.

C’mon, Yenta, you’re saying. You’re just bitter because your kids are too old to fall for the “behave yourselves or the mensch won’t bring you prezzies” nonsense.

You may be right. Perhaps I’m becoming an alterkocker in my 40s. For reals, I’m so old school I still spell Chanukah with a “C.”

I admit, the book that accompanies this little man actually looks kind of cute and somewhat redemptive in its moral tale.

And I guess it makes little Jewish kidlets feel good that even though Santa’s not freaking coming ever, at least there’s a stuffed midget moving around the living room. He might even be useful if he can clean wax out of the menorahs.

But I don’t like contrived, million-dollar ideas masquerading as “new traditions.”

Whywhywhywhy us Jews gotta be all “Let’s Christmas up Chanukah” all the time? Why do Jewish kids need a Mensch on the Shelf, or his less flashy Israeli cousin, The Maccabee on the Mantel?

Look, I’m all about flashing up ancient ritual. I understand the need to create a sense of belonging however we can in Judaism, and I fully support creative appropriation of decor, within limits. (Blue lights around the palm tree in the front yard? Cool. Decorating any type of indoor foliage. HELL NO.)

I just think it’s difficult enough to cultivate healthy Jewish identities from the roiling stew of nationalistic idealism, capitalistic brand brainwashing and plain old family weirdness.

On the other hand, Blue Velvet Cupcakes? That I can get behind.

Modern Tribe Store Open in ATL!

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Well, this is exciting!

Screen_Shot_2014-06-26_at_11.19.55_AM_grandeModern Tribe, the super hip online Judaica shop has a swanky new storefront in downtown Atlanta!

Those of you who live in areas of the country where you just pick up a new menorah or a kabbalah bracelet in between Pilates class and your morning latte, are like, yeah, *yawn*, whatevs.

But we who live in places where our sweet and well-meaning synagogue gift shops are the size of a bathroom stall, the idea of a WHOLE STORE OF JEWISH TSOTCHKES elicits a joyful dance that’s somewhere between twerking and the hora.

Shopping online is fine; it gets the job done. But I would have loved to see these gorgeous Jonathan Adler birds bowls that I bought for my Bro the Doc and his bride as a wedding gift before purchase–when I finally got to touch them in person, I was a little disappointed they didn’t hold more charoseth.

And I’d actually like to try on this adorable Candleschtick sweater to find out if it itches.

But this is the SOUTH, y’all, and Southern Jews accept that our storied history comes with certain limitations. We are so used to paying stupid money for the last box of Chanukah candles that we finding ourselves thanking the manager of Michael’s for designating an entire endcap to paper plates with dreidels on them. (I don’t know what Hobby Lobby’s got going on this year, and I don’t effin’ care.)

Sure, the Modern Tribe store is a four and half hour drive from me, but STILL, same state. Anyone up for a field trip? I’d drive, but the Absurdivan isn’t allowed to leave the city limits.

 

Sov Sov Sov ’til Ya Drop

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In case you missed it, here’s my local take on the Chanukah/Thanksgiving mash-up in the current Connect Savannah. Hope to see some of you braving the chill for the Torch Relay on Wednesday afternoon!

In the meantime, Conan O’Brien and his farmisht Turkey Dreidel Man illustrate the dizzying Thanksgivukkah madness quite perfectly:

Chanukah Decor: Go Big and Get a Free Gift From Zion Judaica!

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ZJ-MEN-BUOh damn you lunar calendar, I just scraped the jelly skeleton off the storm door and now it’s time to decorate for Chanukah already? There’s still wax on the bookcase from last year!

And don’t even get me started on Thanksgivukkah – to paraphrase my bubbie (of blessed memory), I need a two-holiday shebang to prepare for like I need a hole in the head. (Yes, there’s a Wikipedia entry for it. Calling it “a pop-culture portmanteau neologism” is taking a little far, dontcha think? And anyway, as Haaretz blogger Allison Kaplan Sommer wonders, why not Chanksgiving?)

I just pray that the next time this happens in the year 79,811 (or something like year 83,582 in Hebrew) someone has invented a robot that cleans the ceiling of our descendants’ underground pods after the GMO-free potato-latke-frying and inevitable cranberry sauce explosion.

EBS-1-TOn the other hand, if I can get it together this week, the Yenta house will finally be the first one in the neighborhood to get all splashy flashy with the lights! Every year our front yard display gets a little more glitzy and farpitzed like an aging Las Vegas showgirl for several reasons:

First, I am rebelling against my spartan childhood where every house on our suburban block sparkled with fake snow and festive glare except ours. Second, 2 for 1 LED garlands at Rite-Aid.

In case you’re wondering, no, a Chanukah bush is still never OK, but I all ABOUT owning the Festival of Lights with some oscillating blue bulbs or better yet, this 17.5-inch Star of David from Zion Judaica (yo, it’s on sale!)

Sommer reminds us that even though Chanukah usually falls closer to Christmas, it’s not a competition. But listen, my bubbie, who wore full-on costume jewelry sets and gloves just to go to the Winn-Dixie, taught me to go big, and a whole house done up in blue on a crisp, cold night is just so gorgeous. I haven’t quite gotten into the world of inflatables yet (that spartan childhood will always have its hooks in my psyche,) but should I ever garner the chutzpah to 11-foot bear holding a dreidel in my yard, Zion Judaica is the hook-up.

In fact, ZJ’s got pretty much everything you need for Thanksgivikkah Chanukah in their online superstore — and they’re offering a special gift for Yo, Yenta! readers! Just include the words “free neck” in the comment box on the confirmation page any order over $49.99 and you’ll receive a free dreidel necklace. (Because nothing goes better with flash lots of than Jewish bling!)

Orders usually ship between two and eight business days, with express options. Hurry up, we’ve only got two weeks to make the neighborhood shine!

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Suck it, Hobby Lobby

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hobbylobbySo, it was reported this week that chozzerai peddler Hobby Lobby won’t carry Chanukah or Passover decorations because it conflicts with CEO Steve Green’s “Christian values.”

“We don’t cater to you people,” a clerk told some nice Jewish lady last year, according to New Jersey blogger Ken Berwitz, and boy, did THAT cause some tsimmes.

The Hobby Lobby damage control trolls are already at work, sort-of-apologizing on Facebook and pretending that someday, they might consider carrying some cheap crap made in China that could pass for Chanukah decorations:

“Hobby Lobby is currently working with our buyers over our merchandise selection. Our customers have brought this to our attention, and we are currently evaluating our holiday items and what we will carry in the future,” wrote a representative.

Herm, I’m bowled over by the sincerity, yeah. Listen, Hobby Lobby, don’t do us any favors. We don’t need you to dust off a shelf of moldy yarn in the back and stock it with some blue tinsel and crap cardboard menorahs and call it redemption. Chanukah is the Festival of Lights, and all we Jews ever need to make it a joyous holiday is a chanukiah and box of candles, both available in the gift shop of our local synagogue.

And maybe just a few strings of blue twinkly bulbs from Home Depot.