Yard Pollution, Blue Lights And Other Holiday Acquiescences

giantmenorah‘K, so I have plan for all the baby Jesusi (words that end in “S” — so hard to pluralize) I’m planning to purloin from all the neighborhood nativity scenes: I’m going to dress them them in cloth diapers and little yarmulkes and arrange them all around this inflatable menorah* in my driveway. When my outraged neighbors come with their pitchforks and torches, I’ll tell them it’s an experimental performance art piece to foster community and understanding between the different faiths.

Wha’, you don’t think the deep South is ready for it? Maybe I should wait until my PMS passes and then string a nice line of environmentally-correct LED blue lights around the porch and call it a (holi)day.

Speaking of which, where do y’all fall on the subject holiday lights? Kosher or not?

When I was growing up, twinkling lights were as verboten at as our house as a Chanukah bush, or as my mother liked to say: SFG*. So it constitutes a fairly major rebellion that I’ve done the blue light thang since college; I just think they’re pretty and my children really love them. I don’t go batsh*t and drape things from the roof or anything, just a tasteful doorway/window display that adds a cozy glow to these deep, dark days of December. When the menorah’s lit in the window framed by blue, our home shines as bright as any meshugenneh’s with their flashing seizure-inducing displays.

I’m not saying I’m trying compete with the Christian tradition; it’s just nice to look down one’s block on a chilly winter night and not see a black hole where one’s house sits. Chanukah is the Festival of Lights, after all.

* “Strictly For the Goyim”

**I borrowed the image from Orienyenta, a Spanish-speaking, Asian Jewish single mom living in Miami. I know there’s at least one single Jewish doctor out there who might be interested in a tall, independent woman who can cook latkes and egg rolls…

6 thoughts on “Yard Pollution, Blue Lights And Other Holiday Acquiescences

  1. We actually do have “Hanukkah lights” at our house. It gets cold and dark here around 4:30PM these days, so we figured it would be nice if we could be festive too. We bought a strand of actual Hanukkah lights (consisting of plastic dreidels, magen Davids (magens David?), and menorahs that fit over LED bulbs. That’s in the dining room window. Then we also have one string of icicle lights in the front window. Our kids love it, although the three-year-old keeps calling them “Christmas lights.”

  2. Oy – if only you lived in my neighborhood, we could decorate together and oh my that would be a SIGHT to see.

    Thanks for being true to your Yenta form and publicizing my “singleness”. Is it possible that I can stop looking at the seniors at my shul because my bashert is somewhere out there in the J-blogosphere?

  3. As a damn yankee who has acclimated to the deep south after 22 years, allow me offer your coastal island ($$) means “ya’ll may not be from ’round hare, but ya’ll ain’t in the dep south”. It lies about 15 miles inland.

    Go for it, Yenta! Yeshua was Jewish, celebrated the Festival of Lights and lived by all 613 mitzvot, probably with his head covered. Won’t offend me, as I live for the day when our peoples unite. Post your photo!

    Thanks for the crib notes (*). I’m still learning the language.

  4. Kayla ~ Magen David and menorah lights?! Wherever did you find them?!

    Orienyenta ~ I thought the only reason single Jews started blogs was to find their bashert! (Have you seen Amishav’s yet? He’s great…)

    Rickey’s friend ~ LOL, thanks for the props. Where ya from? I’m coming for your baby Jesus…:)

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