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Buy chantix, Today is Tisha B'Av, and it'd be one mofo of a day if it was 586 BCE or the year 70, or even 1492. Buy chantix without prescription,
Tisha B'Av is basically the Jewish Anniversary of Awful: On this day in 586 BCE, Nebuchadnezzar and his army of mad Babylonians destroyed the First Temple in Jerusalem, discount chantix, Køb billige chantix, murdering 100,000 Jews and exiling a million, acheter chantix. Order chantix online, In 70AD, the Romans did the same to the Second Temple, cheap generic chantix, Order chantix, only they killed two million and exiled everyone else. The anti-Semitic Spanish monarchs expelled all their Jews on this day in 1492 (yes, købe chantix, Köpa chantix online, the same year their bitch Columbus was handing out syphilis to the indigenous people of the Americas.)

There are even more ugly coincidences on the ninth day of the Hebrew month of Av: officially being kicked out of England in 1290, the deportation of Warsaw's Jews to the Ghetto in 1942, order chantix without prescription, Online chantix, the bombing of the Jewish Community Center in Buenos Aires in 1994 (technically, it was the day after the ninth, αγοράζουν online chantix, Order chantix no rx, but it was still Tisha B'Av on the West Coast) and in 2005, the beginning of Israel's withdrawal from Gaza the forced expulsion of the residents of Gush Katif (no matter whose side you're on, buy chantix online without prescription, Texas TX Tex. , that was not a good day for anyone involved.) And yet, impossibly, South Dakota SD , Acheter chantix bon marché, there are even more calamities listed here.

Observant Jews commemorate this day with a fast and restriction on anything that smacks of work, New Hampshire NH N.H. , Ordering chantix online without prescription, play or sex. Portions of "Lamentations" are recited at synagogue along with special elegies--sometimes there's crying as our people bemoan all the really heavy sh*t that's come down on us and pray for better times, buy chantix.

Jews like me--that is to say, Maine ME Me. , Chantix no prescription, those who do not take the time out of our lives to participate in this communal mourning--might be at work, clicking around the 'net, Missouri MO Mo. , Delaware DE Del. , feeling a vague blue moodiness and promising ourselves that we will light a yartzeit (memorial) candle when we get home tonight for all of those who endured horror on past ninths of Av.

While there's still time for Ahmedinejad to push the button or Hamas to throw another PR flotilla party, billiga chantix apotek, Cheap chantix no prescription, I'm thinking 2010 won't appear on the Tisha B'Av list. May getting rained on be the worst thing that happens to any of us today, comprare chantix. Osta alennus chantix, *Francesco Hayez's depiction of the destruction of the Second Temple from essential-architecture.com.

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Augmentin 500mg, Raised as a Reform Jew by an ardent feminist, it was drilled into me that I could grow up to be anything I wanted. An astronaut, a doctor, augmentin 750, the President — whatever (though I'm sure an underemployed freelance writer slacker mom wasn't what my highly accomplished mother had in mind.)

Schooled as I was in the sections of the Equal Rights Amendment, Augmentin 875-125 mg, I didn't study a lot of Torah; Reform Jews in the 70s read Marlo Thomas' Free to Be You And Me to their daughters instead of the Pirkei Avot. I didn't yet know the marked differences in the assimilated American lifestyle of my family and the daily rituals observance performed by Orthodox Jews or the separation between men and women in all facets of home, prayer and work, augmentin for tooth abscess.

I met my first female rabbi back in 80s (She was young. Augmentin 625 duo, She played guitar. She didn't have hair growing out of her ears!) and I figured any Jewish woman could become a rabbi as long as she stayed in Hebrew school and liked to wear robes, but that's not true for the stern patriarchy of the Orthodox: While women are revered, most of the men in charge don't believe women should study Torah, let alone teach it, augmentin 500mg. I never really considered becoming a rabbi (it's a calling, and the phone's never rung) but I like to think if my family had been more religious, augmentin for ear infections, as contentious as I am, Augmentin for ear infection, it would have been my first career choice.

While women have been ordained in the Reform and Conservative Movements for decades (the photo is of the first ordained female rabbi, Regina Jonas), augmentin 750 mg, Orthodox women have continued to be rejected by the religious governing body. Augmentin 825, However, some have pushed firmly through the objections of the fathers and studied at yeshiva with the aim of serving as spiritual leaders in their communities. The Jewish Feminist Orthodox Alliance, generic augmentin 875, led by the completely awesome Blu Greenberg, Augmentin 800 mg, maintains this issue as its focus. Augmentin 500mg, Greenberg is the first Orthodox woman to reconcile tradition and feminism, sits on the boards of Hadassah and Lilith magazine and probably knows more about Jewish law than any guy rabbi I've ever known.

Last week, JOFA was shot down again, augmentin 600 mg, this time over the term "rabba." Perhaps JOFA's supporters thought this new, Augmentin 800, feminine form of "rabbi" would soften minds; it's a title already used to delineate women ordained in the "more flexible" faiths. But the president of the Rabbi Council of America insists that to "confer ordination on women is a breach of ... our tradition, augmentin 375 mg, and it is unacceptable."

Greenberg is undeterred, Augmentin gram negative, spinning the RCA's ruling into something positive: “On the one hand, I do feel the disappointment [of] women who have worked for a title and a certain certification ... but I also feel, augmentin and birth control pills, in the context of this entire enterprise, Augmentin xr 1000 mg, it’s going to work in their favor. Ultimately we have to keep our eye down the road, as well as on today.”

Keep on', augmentin 375, Blu and the rest of y'all — with your clear knowledge of halacha and determination, Augmentin 800 mg, you'll wear 'em down eventually.

However, as much as I support JOFA, augmentin 750, my feminist ear actually does not love the gender-specifying quality of "rabba." It's been years since the debate over gender neutral job titles has evolved into socially accepted, Augmentin 375 mg, politically correct language that describes the job without pointing out gender — we don't say "waiter" and "waitress" anymore; it's "server." Don't you call the person who brings you a can of Coke on a plane a "stewardess" — it's been "flight attendant" forever. "Rabba" sounds cutesy, a pet name, and I think these educated, pious, women have worked too hard for respect and equality to have to feminize their title.

But I'm not Orthodox, and I don't know jack about what it's like to be told I can't be something because I'm a woman.

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Augmentin 875mg, So, listen up, kidlets, here's my Purim shpiel:

Once upon a time in a borough called Shushan, there was this pervy king named Ahasuerus who wanted his queen, Vashti, to dance naked for him and all his gross friends. Augmentin 625 duo, Vashti did right by her momma, and was all, augmentin 825 mg, Generic augmentin 875, "I don't think so — I was not raised on the pole, thank you" so King Ass "deposed" her, augmentin 750. Augmentin 375, Maybe that means he killed her, maybe he sent her back to her mom, augmentin gram negative, Augmentin 750 mg, we don't know. But we do know that he went looking for a new queen, augmentin for ear infections, Augmentin 825 mg, and found a lady so pretty he didn't even care that she was from the other side of the camel's tracks.

This lady, buy cheap generic augmentin online, Augmentin xr 1000 mg, Esther, was a nice Jewish girl and didn't just have smokin' looks, augmentin 800, Augmentin 800 mg, she had smarts, too, augmentin for ear infection. She got her uncle Mordecai are good job at the palace after he foiled an attempt to kill the king, but Mordecai pissed off one of the kingdom's most important advisors, a very bad man named Haman who had silly taste in hatwear, augmentin 875mg. Augmentin 875-125 mg, Haman decided to punish Mordecai by devising a plan to wipe all the Jews off the map of Persia, which totally freaked everyone out — except Esther, augmentin for tooth infection. Augmentin 875 mg price, She stayed calm and informed her husband that if he listened to this douchebag, she'd have to hang at the gallows, augmentin 825, Augmentin 625 duo, too. The king rightly deduced that evil politicians are far easier to replace than wives who will put up with his bullsh*t, augmentin and birth control pills, so he ordered Haman to be hanged in the very noose meant for Mordecai.

And then all the Jews lived happily ever after, or until the next pogrom. Augmentin 875mg, (What, you're looking for something a little more educational. Then go here. Or here. But not here.)

Now we party. 'Cause even though this megillah isn't in the Torah and doesn't mention any Divine influences, we are obligated by the rabbis as good (I mean, bad, BAD!) Jews to "drink until we do not know the difference between 'cursed be Haman' and 'blessed be Mordechai.'" There you have it — a Talmudic edict to get sh*tfaced. (I know my friend Uber Shiksa Chick is gonna go hogwild on this.)

Anyone who's witnessed El Yenta Man and I dressed as Queen Vashti and Bad Haman (respectively) handing a flask back and forth over the synagogue pews know that the Yenta household takes Purim very seriously, augmentin 875mg. The Wild Turkey has already been poured to bring to Sunday morning services, but I assure the parents of my Shalom Schoolers that I will not be breaking it out until I safely return your children to you. After that, I take no responsibility for my actions and may have to be peeled off the bima while performing a blistering rap that combines the lyrics of Lady Gaga and "Shalom Aleichem."

Other Purim traditions involve delivering mishloach manot (bags of treats similar to Easter baskets except Jews hate pastels) and performing practical jokes. Do you think egging my in-laws' house could count as both.

Oh, and you know I can't let a Purim pass without reposting Shabot6000's perfectly brilliant Purim parody:

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Hope y'all had an easy fast - s'sorry I've been MIA, but El Yenta Man and I celebrated our 10th anniversary of marriage by NOT putting up a sukkah and jetting off to Puerto Rico. Don't ask where my tan is - it rained the whole time. But we had some close encounters of the Jewish kind, which I promise to fill you in on after I've caught up at work and uploaded photos. In the meantime, please entertain yourself with the perverse knowledge that someone has come up with even worse headgear than the Croc Kippah: The Sarah Palin Sheitl. (Tip o' the doily to Adam at the JEA.)

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Some Jews' hideous treatment of animals is receiving yet more negative attention, this time surrounding the mysterious ritual of kapores, the custom of swinging a live chicken 'round one's head the day before Yom Kippur. JTA reports that dumpsters full of rotting chickens were discovered after the High Holy Days in Brooklyn last year - the trash bags numbering into the hundreds. This constitutes consumer fraud, according to a complaint that PETA has lodged against one kapporot center in Crown Heights. Since those who participate in the custom expect that the chickens will be donated to charity, and "the center knew it was selling and killing more chickens than it could process, its actions constituted deceptive advertising and consumer fraud, as well as a violation of the principle of 'ba’al tashchit,' or wasteful, wanton destruction." The idea is that one's sins are transferred to the fowl while it's dizzily squawking. But even Maimonides criticized this voodoo-esque ritual as "superstitious" back in the 11th century, and Chabad's explanation doesn't seem too complimentary:

The reality is that there is no magic in kapores which transfers a person's sins to the chicken. Even in the days of the Temple, sins were not magically transferred to an animal. The entire purpose of kapores is to create an experience that inspires a person to teshuvah, that is to return to G-d and to repent. All the sacrifices — and chickens — in the world will not result in forgiveness, unless teshuvah takes place.

The whole business seems pretty freakin' nasty. I had never even heard of kapores until I started this blog and fell into the giant Jewish portal of the many Torah education sites - there just wasn't too much chicken-swinging happening in Arizona suburbs in the 80s. But even as I inch my way ever-so-slowly towards a more halachic life, I can guarantee the Yenta Family will always sit this one out. The good news is that according to some, you can fulfill the terms of kapores by waving money, reciting a few pslams and sticking the cash in the tzedakeh box. Way more humane and smells better.

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Here at Yenta headquarters, religious traditions tend to devolve into momzer moments. In spite of our best intentions, someone's always eating off the seder plate or playing "Taps" on the shofar. Look, we try. But y'know, dancing, davening, whatever. Here's the Yenta's recommendations for a groovin', Shavua Tov: 1. "L'Cha" by The Chevra. Get the party started with the tune that made frum fashionable - check out David Lavon's famous inspirational moves. 2. "Water" by Mastiyahu. Could this be complete without a track from Judaism's reggae rock star? 3. "Chiribim" by Golem Old Country meets hot hipsters. Nothing like a little post-punk accordion to get heads bobbing! 4. "Hava Nagila" by the Hip Hop Hoodios Plenty of beat flava for the whole family, except for the masturbation reference. And surely they're saying "I'm a Jew for Cheeses"...right? 5. "Bar'chu/Sh'mama" by the Original Jewish Gangsters The album Hip Hop Shabbat has been on heavy rotation here for years - there IS such a thing as sacred rhyme, yo. 6. "L'Cha Dodi" by Craig Taubman The Yenta's favorite silver fox delivers Shabbat's #1 tune in loopy Dixieland jazz format. 7. "Not By Might, Not By Power" by Debbie Friedman The kids dig this one, plus it comes with built-in choreography. 8. "Hamavdil" by Pharoah's Daughter There may be some Grateful Dead-esque Sufi spinning happening about now in your livingroom... 9. "Eyes of a Child" by Hamsa Lila Continuing on the psychedelic trance train, an elevated perspective is inevitable. 10. "T'Shuatam" by Neshama Carlbach Kick off the week with screaming guitars and infectious drums - this lady's always good for the neshamah, 'aight? There it is - a rhythmic recipe for a fabulous week! Anyone have any suggestions for Version 2.0?

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WTF ya gonna do with all that leftover matzah once Passover is over? Yenta favorites Michelle Citrin and Shabot6000 have some fabulous suggestions:

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Welcome to this mutha of all odes to the other three-cornered delight- from the Goddess Perlman of Nice Jewish Girls Gone Bad. Lego people aside, this one ain't for the kids.

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Brandon Walker seems like a cute little mensch and all with his "Chinese Food on Christmas" but Yidcore's "Punk Rock Chanukah" is much more the Yenta's speed.

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Good lord, October already? Wow. Lots of things I should be addressing, such as a belated but racous "Chag Sameach!" to all those hanging out in their huts nibbling on fruit and nuts. The best thing about decorating the sukkah (besides the obvious Jewish parent favorite of telling the children that it's sooo much nicer than tinseling up a dead tree in the dead of winter) is the regional variety of traditional adornments. In California we strung cranberries and the usual oranges and lemons along with the requisite paper chains all of us remember from religious preschool along with a few redwood cones. Since the whole point (according to me) of Sukkot is to get back to the land, you know Savannah has to have its own unique vegetative offering for the straw ceiling: Peanuts and snap beans. No kidding. Isn't that cool? They looked so pretty hanging there, but man, raw peanuts are a b*tch to string. At least they weren't boiled; now that's some nastiness. In a fabulous convergence of traditional holiday and my personal hippie tendency towards worshipping nature, El Yenta Boy and I traveled to Flat Rock, NC this past weekend for the Southeast Women's Herbal Conference to camp in the woods and learn about the medicinal and spiritual qualities of wild plants. (His was one of only three penises there - and the only circumcised one.) It occured to me while we were sitting in the grass eating our quinoa and bulghur salad and organic greens with 400 strong, Shekinah-fired women that our Jewish mitzvah of being outdoors and thanking God for the bounty of the earth is something much more primal and came long before the Torah. My decades-long experience as a tree-hugging dirt worshipper has brought me more wisdom than going to synagogue; call me a heretic, but I'm just one of those tactical, stick-my-finger-in-it types. El Yenta Boy, being more cerebral, made his own connections and asked every person there if they were Jewish. "But they love the earth just like we do; isn't that Jewish?" Mmm, I love my smart, soulful kid. As far as the other events I've missed blogging about, like the New York visit from everyone's most unfavorite Iranian with the Napoleonic complex ("We don't have homosexuals like you do"? Please.) and the legal judgment of Britney Spears as the Worst Wannabe Jewish Mother EVER (I'm praying for her, I am!) seem far away as the wind blows the leaves off the magnolias. Even the discovery of a Nazi war criminal practically in my backyard can't bring me down as I smell the air shift into autumn, the best of all seasons. Isn't it better to watch the leaves change than watching TV? *Artwork from Kumah.org; can't find the artist's name.

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