Pink: Stupid Girl

pinkThe Yenta may share Jewish ancestry and a penchant for tattoos and Manic Panic hair dye with Pink, but the similarities stop there.

The (largely talentless, IMHO) pop singer is going around defending Mel Gibson, saying “Alcohol makes you do crazy things.” Yes, like taking your top off at a fraternity party or shaving your head, dear. But hatred against Jews doesn’t float around the bottom of a tequila bottle.

Speaking of the man who launched a thousand letters from the ADL, Mel’s publicist says he’s too busy with rehab to apologize to an L.A. congregation on Yom Kippur. The rabbi says he’ll take a rain check.

Madonna Destroys Last Shred of Pop Kabbalah’s Respectability

madge and guyIt wasn’t such a big shred, neither. The Wannabe-Jew-No-One-Ever-Calls-Esther-Anymore and her husband, Guy Ritchie, have strongly urged the British government to begin neutralizing nuclear waste with Kabbalah water.

Now I’m not saying the specially blessed H2O doesn’t have the possibility of some kind of healing or cleansing properties. After all, the work of Dr. Masura Emoto has proved that the molecular structure water is much influenced by human consciousness (have you seen “What the Bleep Do We Know?” yet? It’s mind-blowing, yo.) Perhaps an especially pure water could make nuclear waste palatable enough that celebrities would agree to have it dumped in their backyards.

But for Madge and Guy to go storming into the Department of Trade and Nuclear Industries announcing that they know how to save the world — well, no one’s ever going to look into this option, are they? It their motivation is truly to help the planet, why associate their cartoon sensationalism to an alternative idea that will already be met with eye-rolling and dismissal? If Kabbalah’s intent is to rise above the ego, it’s obvious Madonna hasn’t bought the right book yet. The Belfast Telegraph quotes the usual massive egotism:

“I can write the greatest songs, make the most fabulous films, be a fashion icon and conquer the world. But if there isn’t a world to conquer, what’s the point?”

My Lord, she’s a lunatic. She’s sounding less Mother Teresa and more Michael Jackson everyday.

Back to School…Finally

At last, my Jewish mother’s dilemma has been resolved.

My first grader started school on Monday, not at all peeved that it was a week later than everyone else. Sure, there were tears, but I managed to pull myself together.

So what choice did we make? You may recall that we were deciding between our district school and the private Jewish day school — only because our first choice, the public Montessori academy, was full. (Yes, I did mull over the option of homeschooling — for like five minutes. I admire those who do, but it would put a major cramp in my blog style and sanity.)

Sadly, here in Savannah, the public school system is seriously broken, with the a few exceptions in the magnet program like the Montessori. This warrants a whole other post on poverty, socio-economics and race that I don’t feel qualified to write; I’m still new to the South and I can’t comprehend things like bussing students many miles away from home instead of fixing the inner city schools. Public education is a huge, frighteningly important subject, but here what counts is that sending our kid to the closest district school wasn’t making us jump for joy.

I strongly considered the Jewish day school, even with its hefty price tag — until I paid it a visit. The building itself is a horrid 70’s architectural nightmare painted the hue of old meat. Though the first grade class size was enviably small — just seven students — the room itself was windowless and sterile. While I spoke to the teacher, who was very kind and friendly, the children faced forward, not speaking or looking up. None of them smiled or even looked at my son. While some might find this kind of disciplined classroom environment ideal, it reminded me of Pink Floyd’s “The Wall” and gave me the serious creeps. My impression was that while my son might learn more about Talmud and Torah here than at Sunday school, he would be extremely unhappy spending seven hours a day in a shoebox with a bunch of humorless overachievers. Even the offer of a scholarship for his tuition didn’t dissolve the image of those seven tiny yarmulkes bent over those little desks, scratching at their papers with pencils like it was an alphabet factory rather than the first day of school.

And then Friday afternoon, a miracle: The data clerk from the Montessori called with the news that there was a space in Ms. Betsy’s class and he could start on Monday. Well, it was a miracle perhaps aided by my thrice-daily phone calls and personal visits to the school, and maybe the box of Krispy Kremes. It’s good to know begging and bribery still have a place in this world.

Though the commute is heinous — a good 25 miles — when I brought him to school in his crisp new uniform and saw the stately brick building, the multiracial faces, the wooden blocks, the bright and clean classroom with the gerbil and newt cages, I knew I had been right to stick to my guns on this one. He is where he belongs, in a place where learning is valued — and full of joy.

That’s one dilemma down, and only the matters of my daughter’s potty training, my mother-in-law’s dementia and world peace to tackle next.

Buck Up, IDF Soldiers! Gay Jewish Porn Is On The Way!

michael lucasAs always, SomethingJewishUK has the scoop on Michael Lucas, a Russian-born, NY-based “entertainer” and moviemaker who will be in Israel at the end of the month to raise the — ahem — spirits of gay Israeli troops and the rest of the gay community. Festivities include a live sex show and a porn film shot on location.

Lucas’ intention isn’t just a good time for all, however; he takes an earnest socio-political stance on his (very steamy, NSFW, full of penises) blog that “People need to see the faces of war, and I plan to shed light on the world where gay Israel exists…I will expose the reality that the people of Israel face right now, especially that of gay Israelis who are targeted by the hate of Hezbollah.”

Also in the archives is Lucas’ informed and extremely articulate synopsis of the history of Israel for a non-Jewish reader. In fact, once you’re past the penises, Michael reveals himself to be a true intellectual, crotchless pants or no.

Personally, I don’t judge. He’s some mother’s nice Jewish boy, and she has a lot to be proud of.

Update: Apparently, some Jews were judgemental about Lucas’ visit. Shocking. He responds in an article at SomethingJewishUK.

Denis Leary Wants To Know: Jew’s On First?

You may have heard about this clip last week, but YouTube had to pull it before many got to experience its gleeful hilarity.

It began as a simple inquiry by comedian/ersatz sports announcer Denis Leary if Red Sox first baseman Kevin Youkilis was “a Greek kid.” But things went viral after pro announcers Jerry Remy and Don Orsillo informed him Youkilis actually is Jewish. Leary, along with his “Rescue Me” costar Lenny Clarke, took it as an opportunity to rip into Mel Gibson like only a sharp-tongued Irish smartmouth can. Really, it’s simply gorgeous.

It only gets better when Leary finds out Red Sox outfielder Gabe Kapler is also Jewish and cackles “We got two Jews on this team, Mel! Where’s your father now, huh?”

Brought to you by Should they be forced to remove it, JTA has rockin’ transcript.

When There’s Tsuris, There’s Soup

soupIt’s still hours away from Shabbos, but this Yenta has been called to duty — in the kitchen.

This has been a ridiculous week for the Yenta family, with mini-Yenta in danger of being picked up by the truancy police, El Yenta Man still adjusting to his first 9-to-5 job, like, ever, and Yenta-Mother-in-law in the hospital recovering from emergency abdominal surgery. Yenta Father-in-law and Brother-in-law have not eaten a decent meal or vacuumed up the dog hair blanketing their house in over a week, and therefore, No. 1 Daughter-in-law must rise to the occasion.

Before you get all, “Omigosh, Yenta, you’re so, like, selfless and wonderful, what a mensch you are!” please know we’re staying in the Yenta-in-laws beach house rent-free, so if I chose to stay home today blogging and painting my toenails, we all might be living in the minivan next week. So aspiring mensch-hood it is.

I feel prepared to take on the well-being of everyone’s souls and tummies. Of course, the best tonic for everyone’s frayed nerves is my super-duper special matzoh ball soup recipe. Plus, Mother-in-law is only allowed broth for the next few weeks anyway.

And since no Shabbat meal is complete without wine, I’m trying to find the best pairing with Jewish penicillin. recommends a nice chardonnay or a pinot noir with a poultry-based soup, but what are the chances of tracking down a couple of bottles of Hagafen Cellars‘ pinot in coastal Georgia?

Borat: the Stanley Milgram experiment with a bad accent

boratNaomi Alderman, writer for The Guardian, made an interesting observation of Sacha Baron Cohen’s Borat character and how it parallels the famous obedience experiment by Stanley Milgram. If you’re not familiar with the ground-breaking psychological study by Milgram then check out the wikipedia article to brush up.

In The Guardian, Alderman explains how the very presence of Borat is like a micro-Milgram experiment where the “participants” are prodded to spilling their (racist) beans where they even allow Borat’s anti-Semitism and misogyny to run rampant, sometimes without objection and even worse, with encouragement. The Head Yenta once blogged about Borat’s “Throw the Jew Down the Well” performance at a country music bar, a perfect example where Borat tricks an audience into revealing it’s true colors (and they aren’t pretty).

Alderman writes:

The reason it is unsettling to hear Borat sing “Throw the Jew down the well” is because of the reaction of those listening. Some sit in mute astonishment and horror. But some join in. Some sing along, smile and stamp their feet. One woman even – unprompted, mind you – puts her fingers to her forehead to make horns when he sings, “You must take [the Jew] by his horns.” Borat is unsettling not because his opinions are outlandish but because he reveals how many ordinary people share them.

In the 60’s Stanley Milgram wondered why the German people allowed the Nazis to commit such atrocities to the Jews and performed an experiment that “shocked” the world out of its ignorance. Today, Borat is still shocking audiences and revealing the anti-Semitism that festers decades later.

Fake Boobs: They Just Might Save Your Life

boobsI know what you’re thinking: Sure, silcone bazongas attract the dudes, thereby juicing up one’s love life. In a pinch, maybe their buoyancy could save their hostess from drowning should she fall overboard off a yacht due to her surgically-aided top-heaviness.

But protecting one’s vital organs from Katuysha rocket shrapnel? Just what kind of Wonder Woman hooters are these?

They belong to a lucky young Israeli woman, whose choice to blow up her chest (heh heh heh) two years ago resulted in more than a bigger rack; the implants are responsible for her survival of last month’s Hezbollah attacks.

“This is an extraordinary case, but it’s a fact that the silicone implants prevented her from a more serious and deeper wound,” Jacky Govrin, of the hospital in Nahariya that treated the woman, told army radio Tuesday.

Gives new meaning to the term “rocket tits,” nu?

Hat tip to Bangitout blog.