Madonna reportedly has dumped her best friend Debi Mazar (the big-lipped, blue-eyed actress whose biggest celebrity claim has been being Madonna’s best friend) because Debbie don’t do Kabbalah. Madge now prefers the company of fellow Kabbalah Blah Blah Britney Spears, because they can discuss sacred texts after they make out in public. What else are friends for?
Why are Jewish jokes only appropriate when told by other Jews? One time this schmuck at the gym telling Jewish jokes told me it was okay because his best friends are Jewish. So I spit in his water bottle and farted on his favorite exercise bike right before he used it.
We here at JMerica wouldn’t subject anyone to our friends, but Carin Davis over at Jewish Journal apparently went to some event where you meet someone’s group of single friends. It’s easy to see where this idea came from:
Married person 1:
In a recent poll of male JMerica contributors, an astounding 100% were in favor of encouraging more female Jewish gymnasts.
Demi Moore and Ashton Kutchner celebrated Passover in some chi-chi hotel and are planning a Kabbalah wedding. We at Jmerica firmly believe Ashton is gayer than Richard Simmons in a rainbow suit and that this is a publicity stunt gone mad. You may be pshawing now, but you’ll remember this when the sex scandal involving him and Carson from [i]Queer Eye For the Straight Guy[i]’s Carson Kressley hits the newsstands.