Ok, Purim party people, it’s time to get shikkered up and get you some megillah!

Catchy tune, nu? Loved Mamoud’s cameo at the end.

Here’s a nod to teen pregnancy and the Oscar’s from the Shushan Channel:

And no spring chag would be complete without posting the Yenta’s all-time favorite Purim virus (it’s contagious, but it won’t cause body aches or upper respiratory irritation):

Oh, and a little sumpin’ for the kiddies. Will you consider this virtual Mishloach Manot from your favorite heretic?

If classical scholars fell out out of their ivory towers when the “Jewishy” rendering of William Shakespeare was chosen as his official portrait, will their heads actually explode at the theory that the Bard was actually a … Jewish woman?

Jewess has posted a fascinating interview with John Hudson, a scientist-turned-literary sleuth who posits that all those plays and sonnets were written by Italian Jewess and poet Amelia Bassano Lanier.

For hundreds of years, people have questioned whether William Shakespeare wrote the plays that bear his name. The mystery is fueled by the fact that his biography simply doesn’t match the areas of knowledge and skill demonstrated in the plays. Nearly a hundred candidates have been suggested, but none of them fit much better.

Read his entire Jewcy article here. You may see the method in his madness…

…would be on a Disney cruise, right? The entire Yenta family (including the my in-laws) took a quick 3-day trip last weekend to the Bahamas on board the Disney Wonder, a 10-deck marvel of Mickey Mouse-shaped pools, Cinderella buffets and Goofy entertainment. I’m not one for the conspicuous consumption that Disney defines, but I’m tellin’ y’all, they know how to do “fun” right.

Anyhoo, one of the hallways was covered in famous art – all for sale – and while we were walking towards yet another restaurant (so…much…food on these cruises!) Little Yenta Girl shouts out “Look Mommy, a torah!” It was a beautiful Marc Chagall etching with Hebrew letters, right there on the wall overlooking the crowds of gentiles (in four days, I counted at least four t-shirts depicting Jesus and his thorny crown.)

It was incongruous, yet really cool.

I couldn’t find the exact print to show you, but here’s “Moise II”. Get to tons more Chagall from here.

I got an email yesterday from Savannah photographer and fellow outlaw Shalom School instructor Hannah Gaber Saletan that last week the University of Kentucky had “removed the Holocaust from its curriculum because it offended the Muslim population, who claims it never happened.” It quoted Winston Churchill and urged readers to forward the email to everyone in their inboxes so that the ignorance and hatred of the world could be met with … chain letters?

Now, I love my friend Hannah (who, apart from this small mistake, is very smart and responsible) and I’m as paranoid as the next Jew that the world might forget that Hitler murdered a third of Europe’s Jewish population a mere 60 years ago. But really, the Muslim population of Kentucky having that much sway? I think not.

The email’s a hoax, folks. It all started with last year’s uproar about Holocaust denial in Great Britain’s schools, a rumor that developed out of the difficulty of teaching reality to children with parents espousing fundamentalist Muslim rhetoric at home.

Some well-meaning doofus heard the rumor about a teaching ban on the Holocaust in the “UK” and, in typical self-centered American fashion, confused the United Kingdom with the University of Kentucky and wrote an email to everyone he or she knows. It’s like a perverse game of “telephone” with all the misinformation about the misinformation going off like bombs in people’s inboxes.

As for the much maligned faculty at UK, they want everyone to know they most certainly are teaching about the Holocaust:

In fact, Jeremy Popkin, one of UK’s top historians, has been teaching, without complaints, a course on the Holocaust that he created in 1979. UK was one of the first 10 to 20 schools in the country to offer such a course, and it started a Judaic studies program a decade ago.

Let’s stop the madness, people! Google your internet rumors before you send them on.

Sheesh, with jeans becoming de rigeur synagogue wear, it’s only a matter of time before the t-shirt tallis catches on.

Only from Heeb Magazine, peeps.

By the way, comments are closed until I return from vacation – no one, but no one, can handle coming home to three thousand porn spams. Bon voyage!

My dear mother sent the following to me in honor of the 97th International Women’s Day, which took place in 52 countries last Saturday, March 8:

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!

You may have seen this lovely list before attributed to the magnificent, magnamimous Audrey Hepburn, one of the greatest beauties the world has ever seen for her classy demeanor and commitment to underpriviledged children.

Now, I abhor having to correct my mama (who does resemble Audrey, nu?), but it seems that our favorite fair lady did not pen this wisdom, although she did quote it often. In fact, it’s true author was a man: Jewish humorist Sam Levenson (the same genius who came up with “Insanity is hereditary: You get it from your children.”) Even though Ms. Audrey carefully credited Levenson every time she used it, it’s been erroneously circulated over the interwebs as hers.

Still, it’s sound advice that all of us women can take to heart. As for Ms. Audrey, she had this to say when asked if she had any beauty secrets: “Health, lots of sleep, lots of fresh air and a lot of help from Estee Lauder.”

(crossposted at savannah.skirt.com)

In spite of being “not much a TV watcher” (a label I must rescind as of late since the whole mishpocha has become johnny-come-lately American Idol converts) I have caught an episode or two of the reality show Wife Swap, where two wildly mismatched families exchange the woman of the house for a week or so for our entertainment. Hicks get paired with educated people, punk rockers with conservatives, etc., and at the end of the week everyone’s usually pretty freakin’ happy to get their mama back.

I’ve always been fascinated with the idea. What would another family think of me? I’m sure the meal I made last week with beans and quinoa wouldn’t go over well with anybody, neither my tendency to follow the dog around with the vacuum cleaner. And would some crazy stranger feed my children Twinkies for breakfast and make the dog wear sweaters? El Yenta Man thought it sounded like a great deal until he found out the swap only applies to chores and taking care of the kids; there’s no hankypanky. “Eh, boring,” he said. “But if you make that scary bean meal again, I’m willing to consider it for several months.”

Hmm, he might have to: Apparently to keep their fourth season fresh and diverse, the show is seeking Jewish families to throw in to the mix (ha ha! See the Jewish mother paired with the family with the barbecue pit in the backyard! Bring the born-again Christian to a kapores ritual! Hilarity!)

From the email from ABC:

Out of pure coincidence, many of our families have come from a Christian background. We are eager to branch out and diversify the spectrum. There are many stereotypes of a Jewish mother, but the word “LOVING” seems to always come up. For this very reason, we want to find a loving, caring, fun and vibrant Jewish mother!…We are open to strongly religious families as well as families that consider themselves less religious. Every family is different and has a story. Personality is a must!

If you’re feeling underappreciated or really want to confuse your kids, maybe you’re interested. Plus, there’s $20,000 if you’re chosen (EYM can eat beans for six months for that kinda cash, nu?) Contact michelle.silva@wifeswapcasting.com or call her directly at (646) 747-7946.

Whoever decided to post this story at JTA must have been smokin’ something hoochy:

Benny Shanon, a professor of cognitive psychology at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem, has argued that the miraculous sights and sounds in the Exodus account of God’s giving of the Torah to Moses may have been drug induced.

Apparently, it occured to Shanon while under the influence of, um, a psychotropic desert flora that there are lots of stories about life-changing plants in the Bible – The Tree of Life, the fruit on the Tree of Knowledge (which you know tasted nasty and gave Eve a wicked hangover) and that crazyass bush that talked to Moses. “It seems logical that something was altered in people’s consciousness.”

Shanon figures his drug theory is at least as feasible than the traditional explanation that indeed the Israelites communicated with God. (And if they’re really good ‘shrooms, they can both be true at the same time!)