Milking A Fad (But Not With Fleishig)

notkosherThank you to the keen eyes of Jewbiquitous for alerting me to the creation of LOLJews, which currently only has three photos. Probably because while Jews are funny, we’re not nearly as hilarious as cats. Or puppies. Or walruses. But hey, we got waaaaay more Nobel Prizes, nu?

If you’re still not hip to the waning LOLcats craze, Aaron Rutkoff Wall Street Journal article is crash course in sassie kittehs.

True Beauty Tips

audreyMy dear mother sent the following to me in honor of the 97th International Women’s Day, which took place in 52 countries last Saturday, March 8:

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge you’ll never walk alone.

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; Never throw out anybody.

Remember, If you ever need a helping hand, you’ll find one at the end of your arm.

As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!

You may have seen this lovely list before attributed to the magnificent, magnamimous Audrey Hepburn, one of the greatest beauties the world has ever seen for her classy demeanor and commitment to underpriviledged children.

Now, I abhor having to correct my mama (who does resemble Audrey, nu?), but it seems that our favorite fair lady did not pen this wisdom, although she did quote it often. In fact, it’s true author was a man: Jewish humorist Sam Levenson (the same genius who came up with “Insanity is hereditary: You get it from your children.”) Even though Ms. Audrey carefully credited Levenson every time she used it, it’s been erroneously circulated over the interwebs as hers.

Still, it’s sound advice that all of us women can take to heart. As for Ms. Audrey, she had this to say when asked if she had any beauty secrets: “Health, lots of sleep, lots of fresh air and a lot of help from Estee Lauder.”

(crossposted at

Calling All Disgruntled Jewish Mothers

wifeswapIn spite of being “not much a TV watcher” (a label I must rescind as of late since the whole mishpocha has become johnny-come-lately American Idol converts) I have caught an episode or two of the reality show Wife Swap, where two wildly mismatched families exchange the woman of the house for a week or so for our entertainment. Hicks get paired with educated people, punk rockers with conservatives, etc., and at the end of the week everyone’s usually pretty freakin’ happy to get their mama back.

I’ve always been fascinated with the idea. What would another family think of me? I’m sure the meal I made last week with beans and quinoa wouldn’t go over well with anybody, neither my tendency to follow the dog around with the vacuum cleaner. And would some crazy stranger feed my children Twinkies for breakfast and make the dog wear sweaters? El Yenta Man thought it sounded like a great deal until he found out the swap only applies to chores and taking care of the kids; there’s no hankypanky. “Eh, boring,” he said. “But if you make that scary bean meal again, I’m willing to consider it for several months.”

Hmm, he might have to: Apparently to keep their fourth season fresh and diverse, the show is seeking Jewish families to throw in to the mix (ha ha! See the Jewish mother paired with the family with the barbecue pit in the backyard! Bring the born-again Christian to a kapores ritual! Hilarity!)

From the email from ABC:

Out of pure coincidence, many of our families have come from a Christian background. We are eager to branch out and diversify the spectrum. There are many stereotypes of a Jewish mother, but the word “LOVING” seems to always come up. For this very reason, we want to find a loving, caring, fun and vibrant Jewish mother!…We are open to strongly religious families as well as families that consider themselves less religious. Every family is different and has a story. Personality is a must!

If you’re feeling underappreciated or really want to confuse your kids, maybe you’re interested. Plus, there’s $20,000 if you’re chosen (EYM can eat beans for six months for that kinda cash, nu?) Contact or call her directly at (646) 747-7946.

Whoa, Dude, That Bush Is, Like, Burning or Something

leafWhoever decided to post this story at JTA must have been smokin’ something hoochy:

Benny Shanon, a professor of cognitive psychology at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem, has argued that the miraculous sights and sounds in the Exodus account of God’s giving of the Torah to Moses may have been drug induced.

Apparently, it occured to Shanon while under the influence of, um, a psychotropic desert flora that there are lots of stories about life-changing plants in the Bible – The Tree of Life, the fruit on the Tree of Knowledge (which you know tasted nasty and gave Eve a wicked hangover) and that crazyass bush that talked to Moses. “It seems logical that something was altered in people’s consciousness.”

Shanon figures his drug theory is at least as feasible than the traditional explanation that indeed the Israelites communicated with God. (And if they’re really good ‘shrooms, they can both be true at the same time!)