What’s Peeling, White and Red All Over? Your Mom With A Sunburn

I admit it, I love “your mom” jokes. You’d think after I became a mother I might’ve developed a sensitivity to them, like my late-in-life allergy to walnuts, but no, nothing gets me like cleaning out the fridge and saying “Hey, this chicken sausage is rotten” to El Yenta Man and have him go, “Yeah, that’s what your mom said.” (Just so we’re clear, he’s not talking about the wonderful woman who actually gave birth to me. It’s more of a generic, Platonic ideal of the Great Mother, if you will — if Plato envisioned the Great Mother as a dumb whore.)

My favorites appear in everyday conversation, like when someone says “Lawdy, this laundry stinks like a men’s locker room.” And — voila! — instant punchline: “Your mom stinks like a men’s locker room.” Or, “Mmm, I love kosher meatballs.” And…wait for it…here it comes: “Your mom gave me the recipe while I was shaving her back.”

Basically, the cruder, the better. In a related game, called “Your Boyfriend,” you spot a particularly grungy individual while in the company of one’s close girlfriends and inconspicuously whisper “Tell your boyfriend to stop playing pocket pool in the latte line” or “Your boyfriend with the toupee is waiting for you at the bar.”

However, this is not to be confused with the bevy of crude “Your Momma’s so ugly/fat/poor/dumb” insults out there, as in “Your momma’s so ugly she had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dog to play with her.” For some reason, those don’t tickle my funny bone like your mom does. *heh heh heh*

Juvenile? Certainly. A way to crack a laugh into an otherwise boring day of dart-throwing at Ahmanijad’s picture, “what’s for dinner” arguments and carpool? Hell, yeah. Sometimes, all anyone has to say is “Your mom” and I spray whatever beverage I’m drinking out my nose.

Anyway, Kellev over at WeirdJews2 asked the community if there was a Hebrew equivalent to “your mom.” The ensuing conversation is totally priceless.

(I would’ve posted a graphic of your mom, but the barnyard porn site was blocked.)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.