Let the Holidaze Begin

Feh, it’s December already? Clearly, my neighbors spent the long weekend in their front yards setting up their giant tsotchkes and hanging itty bitty lights from their eaves. Hopefully, they all fixed the economy by charging up their credit cards on Black Friday.

I’m still recovering from a reunion with El Yenta Man’s side of the family in Wrightsville Beach, NC – a lovely place for a group of boisterous Jews to digest. Funny, it wasn’t anything like Bangitout’s Top Ten Ways You Know You’re at a Jewish Thanksgiving Dinner list, except for the desserts from Costco, which I can tell you from a deeply personal communion with a very large chocolate bundt cake are sinfully delicious.

However, I did get a kick out of Bangitout.com‘s other Thanksgiving Top Ten offering:

Top Ten Changes if the Pilgrims Were Jewish:

10. Indians’ “How” greeting would have been answered with “I’ve been on a vashtinkina boat for two months, How do you think?”

9. The Mayflower Compact would have been brokered by Goldman Sachs and included Mexico and Canada

8. Breakaway minyans immediately open in Rhode Island and New Hampshire

7. Holiday of Sukkot would be renamed “Teepees”

6. Thanksgiving dinner was suppose to be veal, but there were turkey Shabbos leftovers

5. Plymouth Rock suddenly claimed as the Muslims third holiest site

4. Thanksgiving Dinner was arranged by the synagogue Sisterhood and is still looking for a sponsor

3. Jewish geography would be used as the great ice-breaker, “Which Pocahantas? From Queens?”

2. Rubashkins’ (number one kosher meat processor) immediately hires all Indians

1. Pilgrims become automatic “Members of the Tribe”

Cute, nu? Of course, if you’re a regular reader of this blog you already know the Yenta holds suspicions there were Jews here long before the Mayflower hit land.

4 thoughts on “Let the Holidaze Begin

  1. true story: my dad’s mother’s side is of Mayflower stock. Of course, they were some of the indentured servants, still stuck in New England on rocky farm country, so not as glamorous as the famous ones.

  2. I came to your page thinking what an awesome thing that someone is writing about being a modern Jewish woman, and all I found was more stereotypes. Disappointing.

    • Really, Jennifer? What stereotypes did you encounter here? I’m honestly curious because I don’t think I fit in anywhere! I hope you didn’t base your opinion on this one post; I have six years of writing about being a modern Jewish woman, and while you might not agree with everything I write, I’m willing to bet I don’t fit into anyone’s stereotype. Thanks for reading.

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