Not in an endearing, meshuggeh-type way, like your doddering old aunt who wears dainty tea gloves to the grocery store and calls everyone “dear,” but more of a “cross-me-and-I-will-cut you, beeotch” aura that actually gives off an odor – a striking combination of estrogen, peanut butter and gasoline that splashed onto me while filling the minivan (you don’t even want to know how I dealt with the poor cashier at the BP on Drayton; let’s just say I must now drive up the block to the gas station where I am acccosted by drunks looking for spare change.)
I think I even made my computer explode with all that anger. No, FOR REAL. My laptop, perhaps overwhelmed by the vitriol spewing forth from its owner, came up with nothing but a gray screen yesterday and is in Mac ICU right now. Posting may get spotty as I prepare to mourn my iTunes library and decide whether to buy a new machine or pay my temple dues.
The last week may or may not have been a result of PMS (though my poem “Cowgirl” is certainly redolent of a similar week I had many years ago) and El Yenta Man and the children have been tiptoeing around for days, doing laundry and sweeping floors in hopes of appeasing the Scary Mommy Monster back into some semblance of loving calmness. It’s working, but shhh, I’m holding out until someone cleans the bathtub.
And since last week began the month of Elul, the time before the Jewish New Year when we Jews prepare ourselves to stand before God on Yom Kippur and ask for repentance, I figure I better start backwards with apologies all around:
To my family, who deserves more patience that I was born with (although really, how many times does a person have to be asked to put their shoes in the closet?) To those pet-lovers who believe in the Rapture (surely, Jesus will let you bring them, as long as you bring a supply plastic poopy baggies.) And especially to the unsuspecting guy at the gym who tried to strike up an innocent conversation and got a lashing that may have him avoiding exercise altogether lest he run into the Psychotic Democrat on the Elliptical ever again (not that he’s right, mind you.)
I plan to be much more mindful this week, thanks to this year’s Jewels of Elul, a series of short nuggets of wisdom posted every day from all kinds of interesting people (Presidential hopefuls Obama and McCain have both contributed to 5768’s collection; you can also find the Yenta’s post from last year by clicking on “Previous Jewels.”)
Even if my computer is dead, I’m consoled that a new year is on the way, and nothing says “5769” like a sleek new MacAir, right?
Update: I just spoke with the doctors and it looks like the Yenta Mac is DOA. Cause of death? A failed logic board. *sigh* Irony is funnier when it’s not so expensive.
I bit the bullet and a new MacBook is on its way to me. The synagogue people may boot me, but at least I’ll be able boot up…