T-Shirt of 5772: Make The Fast Go Faster

Tomorrow evening brings us to the culmination of the Days of Awe, a time when Jews eschew food, drink and, if they’re way hardcore, toothbrushing.

Fasting on Yom Kippur helps us focus on atonement and lets God knew we’re serious about teshuvah (repentance.)

Tomorrow is also my 40th birthday. El Yenta Man keeps lamenting how superlame it is that my milestone birthday should fall on Kol Nidre, but sheesh, I came out of the womb at the beginning of the month of October/Tishrei, whaddya gonna do?

Milestone birthdays, suffering, I’m all over it. My 21st birthday corresponded to the day of Yom Kippur 5753, and after breaking the fast with my family at a Meixcan restaurant, I marched right up to the bar and ordered my first legal shot of tequila. And promptly puked. Had to break the damn fast all over again, this time sin los chiles rellenos.

So a wild throwdown of fried chicken livers and martinis at Circa is out of the question tomorrow. As heretical and blasphemous as I portend to be, deep down I really am a nice Jewish girl who wants to be written into the Book of Life. I’m sincerely sorry for all the fun I’ve poked at my peeps this year and if I’ve offended anyone personally. I repent for all the times I’ve lost my temper and committed lashon hora with my nasty pottymouth. I’mma gonna go ahead and do this fast, big birthday or no, because I believe it’ll help me see where in my life I can be better and how I can make amends.

But I might be wearing this t-shirt with my vegan shoes.

It’s available at Cafepress.com, along with other Yom Kippur-themed swag such as Repentance Means Having to Say You’re Sorry and The Fast Way to Forgiveness.

An easy fast to all!

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