Got Jesus? No Thanks, I’m Full

Say you’re a leader in the Southern Baptist Convention and one of the cornerstones of your particular brand of Christianity is that everyone is going to hell but you (see last week’s post “Handbasket Anyone?“) It is your obligation — no, your divine burden — to inform others, especially Jews, that without the vaccination of your personal interpretation of the gospel they will have their toes licked with flames for eternity.

You will stop at nothing to save these stubborn people. Even when people like Abe Foxman of the Anti-Defamation League tells you it’s “offensive and disrespectful” to recommend the High Holy Days as the optimal time to convert Jews, you persevere. When one of your colleagues says “Christians have a mandate to evangelize Jews just as a surgeon has a responsibility to tell a patient about the presence of a ‘deadly tumor,'” you decide you need a new marketing strategy.

So you take it into your head to team up with your friendly neighborhood Messianic Jews to help spread the word. Who better to talk to Jews about Jesus than someone who can heeb out with them?

This really ticks off Abe Foxman. He calls your missionizing ingenuity “insulting, disgraceful and dangerous,” so you’re fairly certain he’s already going to hell. From the ADL press release:

We are outraged over the continuing efforts by the Southern Baptist Convention to target Jews for conversion, especially by considering ‘deputizing’ a Jewish Messianic group, part of a deceptive movement that falsely claims they are interested in Jewish practices when the real goal is to convert Jews to Christianity. These efforts should be stopped once and for all.

But you will never stop. You will dedicate your life to peturbing people, hoping that converting just one Jew into the fold will be worth all the ugly opinions of you. Because you’re just…so…sure…you’re right.

4 thoughts on “Got Jesus? No Thanks, I’m Full

  1. One way of stopping these religous idiots. Is to ask “When did Jesus denounce his religion?” They get very upset because they don’t have answer and usually they leave U alone. So far for me it has worked.

  2. I remind them that the last supper was really Passover diner. Jesus was as jewish as they come. Those fanatics violate the 10 commandments almost daily. They need to just live and let live.

  3. Please know that the Christians love the Jews. They know the Jews are the apple of God’s eye. They support the Jews in every way possible. They read from the same word as the Jews. Jesus and his followers were Jews. Christians have nothing but respect for the Jews

  4. Nice sentiment, John, but the Christians who lure Jewish people into church are not “supporting the Jews” in every way possible. Feelin’ your love, tho’, bro.

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