At Least They’re The Clean Pair

chanukah pantiesIt’s customary in our religion to leave small rocks on a tombstone when we visit the ancestors, but hundreds of single women have left something else at a rabbi’s tomb in northern Israel: Their undies.

According to one of the more arcane superstitions of our faith, unmarried Jews who visit the grave of Rabbi Yenothan Ben Uziel will meet their beshert and marry within the year.

Rabbi Israel Deri, who is in charge of protecting holy sites in the north, told Ma’ariv that women’s prayers will go unanswered and said, “Having consulted with the chief rabbis, I can say with certainty that not only are these women guilty of a profanity but they will also never gain benediction.”

This story begs so many questions: Do these girls’ mothers knew they are leaving their panties around a graveyard? Have they not filled out a free Jmerica profile? How does one choose between the “Tuesday” cotton hipsters and the lace thong? Is Rabbi Uziel smiling?

*These “A Great Miracle Happened Here” panties don’t seem to be available anymore at JewishFashionConspiracy.com, but they have other really inappropriate ones, just in case you feel like visiting the cemetery tonight.

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