The Earth’s Not Really Moving And Other Wisdom From Georgia’s Legislators

monkeyPeople, I’m trying to fit in here in the South, really I am. I’ve let the fuschia hair streaks lay fallow, the orange combat boots are packed away, I don’t visibly shiver anymore when I see children at the playground snacking on pork rinds. But y’know, I still keep a little suitcase all packed and ready under the bed so I can throw the children in the minivan and escape to safer lands should it become necessary. Places where people don’t giggle and mime puffing motions when you tell them you’re wearing a hemp shirt. Where a “smoothie” is more that corn-syrup flavored powder and tap water. Where local politicians aren’t complete backasswards morons (I might have to keep driving to Canada, eh?) That suitcase has moved next to the door as of today:

I’m referring in particular to state representative Ben Bridges of Madison County, who distributed a memo all over the country calling for a school-wide ban on teaching evolution — not just because he believes Darwin’s theory is “a myth,” but that the Big Bang is just some cockamamie lie made up by the Jews.

I know, I know! I couldn’t believe it either! But look, here’s the quote from the memo:

“Indisputable evidence — long hidden but now available to everyone — demonstrates conclusively that so-called ‘secular evolution science’ is the Big-Bang 15-billion-year alternate ‘creation scenario’ of the Pharisee Religion,” says the memo, which has Bridges’ name on it. “This scenario is derived concept-for-concept from Rabbinic writings in the mystic ‘holy book’ Kabbala [sic] dating back at least two millennia.”

The memo, which was sent to legislators in at least six other states, directed readers to the site www.fixedearth.com, an ignoramus’ paradise of skewed facts and ungodly nonsense such as “The Earth is not rotating…nor is it going around the sun,” written by someone who, from the rambling nature of the site, appears to suffer from paranoid schizophrenia.

But don’t you worry, the ADL is already on it (man, I just love those people!) The Southeast’s Regional Director Bill Nigut sent Bridges an e-mail calling on him to “repudiate and apologize” and that the memo “conjures up repugnant images of Judaism used for thousands of years to smear the Jewish people as cult-like and manipulative.”

Was Bridges repentant? Not so much. In fact, he denies writing the memo at all. But he fully stands behind his legislation to remove “evolutionism” from Georgia’s public schools: “I am convinced that rather than risk teaching a lie, why teach anything?”

Welcome to f*cking Georgia, people.

6 thoughts on “The Earth’s Not Really Moving And Other Wisdom From Georgia’s Legislators

  1. I wish you were making this up but that website actually takes itself serious. WOW! To waste you life fighting against reality is a tragedy. It sucks to be them…

  2. I think the good senator from GA should ask himself the question, “if we didn’t evolve from primates how come I am such a huge monkey’s ass.” I believe he is a self hating troglodyte. In an attempt to pursuaid his species of unnevolved that he is not a short branch from a monkey’s ass, he tries to deny the existence of evolution. The logic being that if evolution cease to exist then he is not ennevolved and is safer in his current form. One can not do what does not exist. And I decide what does not exist. Just the kind of rudimentary logic you would expect from primates that are relatively new to bipedalism and have not mastered more complex cognitive thought processes. Poor Homo Evangelapeians (pronounced, e-van-gel-ape-ians), they are just awkward creatures struggling to survive and remain relevent in the modern world of rapid extinction brought on by man and technology. Our actual increase in cognitive abiliy due mainly to evolution in brain size has led to the ability to explain certain natural events through science instead of superstition. A deforestation of the world of myth that has forced the ludites and the trgolodytes into desperate times. Their existence hinges on the ideological construct that, though they in theory don’t exist, we should care what they think. Good thing our species did not evolve from their’s, or we would not exist either. I think we should freeze his body now to preserve the historical record for future sub species as evidence of what we all once were before the thumb and the brain combined and created the post modern neo Christians who manage to believe in Jesus and still know their asses from their religeon. The South is particularly rich in Homo Evangelapeian culture and full of artifacts. One day the federal and local governments will quit protecting their species and the mass extinction will be something we study in an elective at the community college.

  3. Yenta- I don’t believe that this moron leads one to think, Welcome to Georgia, but rather, Get me the F&*% out of here Georgia!

    We’ve got dipsh*ts here in Colorado, but nothing like what you’re describing.

    Until, then enjoy the roaches.

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