“Jewish Mothers Are Born to Kvetch and Worry”

Ninety-one year old Selma Baraz and really pissed at her rotten son for ruining her life.

See, as a Jewish mother, it’s her God-given right to complain about everything that enters her vortex. Even if it’s a good thing, like a free meal or hot celebrity men in their skivvies, there has to be a poopy lining (Applebee’s fries are always served cold, and what is with the pervy moustache, Becks?!)

Unfortunately, for poor kvetchy Selma, her son, James, is a Jewish-Buddhist spiritual teacher and the author of the Awakening Joy meditation practice. He gently suggested, in that annoying JewBu way that makes a person feel petty and unenlightened, that she might, in her 10th decade on earth, begin using a simple tool to make herself happier: Follow every complaint up with “…and I know I am truly blessed.”

Well, the results were disastrous. Check it out:

Favorite line: “I really have become…oh, this kills me…I really have become a happier person…He has ruined my entire life.”

I’ve been doing my best to cultivate an attitude of gratitude for a few years now, and while I’m definitely a more content, enthusiastic and loving person, I’m still a teensy bit worried about fate of the Jewish Mother brand. I mean, if this catches on and all the Jewish Mothers start radiating serenity and practicing acceptance, who will keep up with kugel quality control at the synagogue or sniff unapprovingly when girls try to pass off tights as pants? What would happen if all the Jewish mothers stop wringing their hands over what career paths their children should choose while they’re still in preschool and whether they will still get into college if they quit violin lessons? The world as we know it could devolve into CHAOS.

*Found this on the online mega mazel mall WorldofJudaica.com while I was shopping for a tallis for my rotten son, who blesses me every day.