Oy Vey! The Rabbi’s Gay!

gayblackjewishklansmenBy now most of you know that the Conservative movement issued a series of edicts on the subject of Jewish gayness last week, caused many of us to jump for joy because it’s just one more step towards the righteous and fabulously decorated world that will come with global Jewish gay domination.

Jewish Gay media mafioso jokes aside, this trend towards tolerance and acceptance could be what saves Judaism from suffication by unaffiliation — from here it looks like Conservatism is growing up with its surrounding culture rather than supressing and denying it.

But in typical Talmud-ese, the answer is never as clean cut as a bris. While paving the way for the ordination of gay rabbis and sanctioning same sex marriages, the three teshuvah (“responses”) actually contradict each other: One policy upholds the ban on gay rabbis, another allows them as well as blessing ceremonies for gay couples but maintains the prohibition on sodomy, and a third continues the traditional opinion that gayfolk do not belong near a Torah.

In last week’s j., one rabbi says the committee’s ruling “cuts the baby in half” (a reference to the famous King Solomon story) because for those who wholly approve of gay rabbis and marriage, it doesn’t actually grant permission for such, and those who don’t find the ruling progressive might “worry it will mean the end of K’lal Yisroel [the Jewish people] since it goes completely against the grain of 2,000 years of rabbinical decisions.”

So basically, you can be a gay rabbi and ordain gay couples under a chuppah, but no one’s allowed to have hot gay sex. Somehow, though, this adds up to progress.

Let the Sunday School discussions begin! Rabbi Daniel Brenner of the RebBlog has written a sweet story that’s perfect for your first “why does the rabbi wear chaps?” chat with the children: Oy Vey! The Rabbi is Gay!: A Children’s Tale for All the Conservative Synagogue Educators Who Might Need a Little Extra Help Next Week.

Here in Savannah, rumor has it that the Conservative synagogue, Agudath Achim, is shopping around for a new spiritual leader. I asked a liberal-minded congregant what the chances were that they’d hire a gay one.

He snorted. “How about the first woman rabbi in Savannah?”

One step at a time, dude…

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