Historically Significant, Really

user submitted pictureDon’t ask how we found this (too much coffee, random Google word associations) but apparently the world can credit the modern brasseire to an immigrant Jewish couple, Ida and William Rosenthal, who began the Maidenform company in 1928. Before they designed a fitted number to go under the new sleeker dress styles of the time, women were just pinning a towel to keep their bazoombas from bouncing.
They also managed to market to the Communists when no one else could; Ida visited the Soviet Union in 1963 and remarked “The Soviet woman is badly in need of help when it comes to foundations. I believe we’ll eventually have them for customers.” So that’s what brought the wall down– women wanted their push-ups, communism be damned!
We’ll never again be able to peruse a Victoria’s Secret catalog without feeling a glow of pride in our, *ahem*, breasts.

Like Your Bar Mitzvah Wasn’t Scary Enough Without a Camera Crew

The Forward reports that a reality TV show based on the lives of an as-yet-unchosen Jewish family is in the works. The producers are searching for frummers with “poysonality” who might be willing to break a rule or two for the sake of educating the public about Judaism and, of course, entertainment. This could quite hilarious, though there are some truly dysfunctional families out there who could give television watchers a skewed view of Jewish life.
“The Mazel Tov Chronicles” is set to begin filming in September and will be released for broadcast worldwide in April 2005. The series is expected to air in Canada on Channel M, and currently the producers are in talks with distributors in Australia and in the United States.
In the meantime, if we want madcap neurotic mishegoss we’ll just phone home.

Holy Foot Bath, Batman!

user submitted pictureBritish archaeologist Shimon Gibson claims he has found the cave where John the Baptist performed holy bath rituals and annoited the feet of his followers, located on the Kibbutz Tzuba near Jerusalem. (For those of you not up on your New Testament, John was like Jesus’ guidance counselor.) Gibson says John’s presence in the cave is confirmed by wall drawings of a figure with wild hair and dressed in animal skins as well as a sketch of John’s bloody, severed head probably put there pilgrims around 700 CE . Even if other archeologists say there’s no way Gibson can prove it was John’s cave, people want to and will believe that it is. Wonder if Kibbutz Tzuba is happy with their new title as the hot place to visit on the Christian tour circuit.

Nice Guy Gets The Chick And A TV Show

user submitted pictureThe Jewish Journal’s Dan Jacobs finds out that tall, blonde hotties dig scrawny nerds.
Jacobs is currently testing out his theory that girls really just want a sensitive guy who won’t try to get in their pants on the first date by starring in– what else?– a reality TV show.
The pitch: “A young man goes on the road to find out if girls are willing to defy media stereotypes that portray them as preferring only superficial qualities in guys, and give a nice, short, awkward, love-struck and sensitive guy like him a try.”
Surely, a concept less morally revolting than “The Simple Life.” You can track his “sensitive guy on the road” progress at www.fiftydates.com.

Jews For Jesus Invades Denver

user submitted pictureThe Messianic Jews have launched a huge evangelical onslaught in American cities, trying desperately to baptize every Goldstein they see. That’s not going to help their reputation as a brainwashing cult.
Frankly, one of the best parts about being Jewish is that we don’t feel the need to convert anyone. We don’t care what other people believe in, even if they drink chicken blood and dance with snakes, as long as they do it at their church and let us do our thing at shul. So who are these Stepford Jews who feel the need to preach about Jesus on streetcorners?
We always wonder if missionaries get a special prize if someone bags a Jew over to the Christian side…

Jewish Golf Club Gets Over Itself

user submitted pictureThe Milwaukee Journal Sentinel reports that “Brynwood Country Club, a Jewish golf club in Milwaukee that opened in 1929 as a haven from the discriminatory practices of another private golf club, is seeking non-Jewish members to help it survive.”
Now we know there’s some irony in here somewhere: A bunch of Jewish guys who liked to chase a little white ball around were bummed because the evil WASPs wouldn’t let them hit their balls on WASP grass. So they start their own club and have been excluding not only gentiles, but blacks, Asians, and every other minority for 75 years (except, of course, in a servile capacity. Jewish kids make lousy caddies.)
Maybe now that this reeking hypocrisy is hitting it in the coffers, the Brynwood Country Club will become what it should have been in the first place: open to all.

Shabbat Dinner Awaits Us

user submitted pictureAn Okalahoma judge ruled today that the state must meet the Orthodox kashrut requirements of three Orthodox Jewish inmates. (Curiously, all three are sex offenders.) The ruling only applies to the three pervs as of yet, but the judge said the same courtesy will likely extend to other Orthodox prisoners after additional court proceedings.
We must admit we’re serving shrimp quesadillas tonight. Not even close to kosher, but damn better than jail food. Hasta lunes.

Cheerleading Coach Fired For Prayer Pressure

Proving what we’ve suspected since high school, cheerleading coaches favor the churchy girls. Us Jewish cheerleaders might have had the tight moves and yelled the loudest, but we knew how to cause trouble. We’ve got our own pompom war stories, but let’s concentrate on Jaclyn Steele: the 22 year-old University of Georgia cheerleader was passed over for the football squad and instead demoted to women’s basketball (akin to being sent to cheer for the special ed team in North Georgia if you judge by prestige and budget, not athletic talent) because she refused to partcipate in her coach’s Bible meetings during practice and before games. Like a good rabblerouser, Steele filed a discrimination complaint. UGA fired Marilou Braswell for “discourteous and disruptive behavior” and reinstated Steele to her rightful spot on the field, doing herkies and flips for all of us.

Ali G. Video Controversy

user submitted picture We here at Jmerica are HUGE fans of HBO’s Da Ali G Show. Somehow, we missed the episode where this song aired, but we read about it on Jewschool, which posted the video. It depicts the star of the show, Sacha Baron Cohen (MOT), as Borat, a Kazakhstani tv host. Borat goes to a redneck bar and sings a song called “My Country Has a Problem”. The refrain is “Throw the Jew down the well, so my country can be free.” Sadly, the rednecks sing along with enthusiasm.

This is an amazing piece of social commentary that is both hilarious AND disturbing. It has raised a letter of protest by the ADL who fear that the irony will be lost on some people and they will just think it’s a great song.

It sure makes for some great debate…