Another retarded wintertime holiday intending to blend random parts of Chanukah and Christmas like a bad casserole? Fuhgeddaboudit.

On further inspection, however, the creators of Jewsmas don’t appear to be advocating the commingling of holidays, but are rather trying to protect them from dilution:

We know that Chanukah is not the Jewish Christmas! No, we must reclaim Chanukah for what it is: a celebration of freedom, faith and miracles from G-d. And to do that, we create a new holiday, the Jewish Christmas. From this time forward, each year on the first Saturday after Christmas, Jews and Christians shall gather together and celebrate Jewsmas … Now leave Chanukah the hell alone!

Fabricated traditions include the Dreidel Drinking Game (with the extremely alocoholic conconction Meshuganog) and proper mumbling of carols, which sound like good clean crosscultural fun, but cheese and chocolate fondue? Barf. Not to mention the “Ogling of Shiksas,” which crosses the wrong side of my feminism detector.

I’m going to give the benefit of the doubt that the site was created as a satirical response to all the other fake holidays — mostly because they’re not really trying to sell anything. (Well, they have t-shirts, but who doesn’t?)