I Must Become…The Jewish Dog Whisperer

Have I told y’all about how our neurotic dog? She has the most amazing spaz every time someone touches the mail slot – just the slightest rattle will send her into a yelping, demonic seizure that leaves her hyperventilating for an hour. Trust me, it is a FREAK SHOW. I’m worried she’s going to have a little pug heart attack, but not as much as I am that she’s going to eat our tax rebate check.

I consulted Cesar Millan’s site, but it was useless. I don’t need any of this “pack leader” nonsense – I just want to read a copy of Newsweek without Anna Quindlan’s column shredded!

Then I came across this book and thought “Finally, someone who understands the challenges of raising a meshuggeh Jewish dog in a Christian-dominant culture. Maybe I can learn to strap some tefillin to her collar so she’ll chill the hell out.”

Alas, the Rabbis of the Boca Raton Theological Seminary don’t actually exist. This book is entirely satire. And here I thought using guilt and shame was going to work.

*ruff*. Meanwhile, Clarabell just ate the power bill.

Clarabell, feeling safe and secure

7 thoughts on “I Must Become…The Jewish Dog Whisperer

  1. Hey! Don’t put down Cesar. I love that show. It’s sort of a joke in my house on Sunday mornings…and I don’t even have a dog anymore!

    In all honesty though, I think Cesar’s methods would work. You have one person touch the mail box while you make the “SHH” sound and be the pack leader. I believe he had one episode with a dog with JUST this problem 🙂

  2. Yenta, you are going to have to rent some of the Cesar Milan DVD’s to try to get that pack leader technique down. I watch hours of those shows in amazement and I don’t even have a dog! I guess I’m secretly watching so I can get tips on how to handle the kids. Not that I want to kick my kids but the whole part about being calm and assertive and controlling your emotional state will help you have leverage over an out-of-control spazzed out creature. There is a zen-like method to Cesar’s madness.

    I have a special request, could you start blessing us with random Clarabell photos on your blog? My desktop background is that of a friend’s pug and I can’t seem to get enough of those little critters (you’re so lucky!)

  3. I am so late replying here, but for a Jewish dog have you considered Tamar Geller’s Israeli Jewish mother approach? 😉 And Clarabell is awesome! Just shared her pict with my friend who designs pug lover tshirts!

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